Staple Free

I'm officially staple FREE!! It's a wonderful feeling no more metal in my leg:)

I woke up this morning incredibly sore, stiff, and my knee kept giving out. I got ready in a rush for a rescheduled doctors appointment, which made things even worse. I was a mess this morning, but after eating some delicious easy mac things got better:) Then it was off to the doctor!

There they took out my staples which was really good, and he says I'm doing great. So yay! He says i can be off of crutches as soon as PT saysI can:)

well I'm off to bigger and better things!

1 week and 2 days later

I am HORRIBLE at updating this thing! I had a doctors appointment wednesday and things went great!! I was given a timeline on how things will probably be going, I can walk a lot better now, and pain is pretty much minimal. I was pretty much a happy girl until last night.

Last night was the final night of revival, and it was ending with a teen activity at the end of things. It was the Kidnapping Kaper which was a scavenger hunt of sorts. I decided to go, to just hang out, knowing full well I couldn't participate. I was ok at the beginning feeling only a hint of loneliness, but by the end of the evening my heart was breaking. Mainly because I know that this will be my life for the next 6 months. Always being passed by. I came home and had a break down of sorts. Knowing that the next 6 months are not only going to be very hard physically, they are going to be extremely hard emotionally. While my friends go off and can run, and play and goof off, I will always be the one having to take it slow, and easy. I struggled with feelings of loneliness, abandonment, emptiness, and fear. I also felt like a burden and a hardship to those around me. I couldn't help but thinking how aggravating I must be to everyone. The odd man out who needs all the help, and that feeling bothered me, especially since I am so independent. I ended up crying for quite a while, and I'm still struggling with those feelings, and I know I will be for a while.

But luckily, today was REALLY good for me. I got out, went and saw a movie, went to dinner, and went shopping, and felt somewhat normal again. It was great. so what me knee is swollen now, I had a great day. :P Now off to bed!

Day 3

Today was a good day mostly:) Not much has been changing, although I feel stronger each day. I got some vitamin D today sitting on our deck, which was good. I showered again and it was much easier this time.

I am definitely blessed at how smoothly everything is going! Doctor appointment wednesday!!!!

Day 2: Fellowship

I'm SO incredibly blessed with wonderful wonderful friends and family. Today my times was spent pretty much from waking up, to going to bed with friends and family. Liz got here about an hour after I woke up to keep me company while mom and Katie went to work. We enjoyed catching up, and eating her delicious cookies:) She enjoyed my wheelchair :P and I enjoyed her company.

While she was here I was able to take a shower which was WONDERFUL, and I did it all on my own which was amazing. I am incredibly thankful for my stand-up shower through all this. Makes life so much simpler.

Matt came over right before Liz left to spend the evening with me. We hung out, had some dinner, played some games and such. I discovered, that my medicines make me moody, and playing competitive games is not such a good idea right now... I kind of threw the checkers across the room when I was losing. Oops! sorry about that Matt;) We then ended up with popcorn and video games which was a perfect ending:)

Then mommy and I curled up in bed after Matt left to watch an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show which I think is going to become a tradition. All in all I'm very very blessed by family and friends who love me.

Now for the medical side of things. I'm doing pretty well, getting around on crutches a bit better and the swelling is pretty minimal. I feel good most of the time, still a little tired but getting better:)

Day 1 out of 3408435

So today was a bit depressing, hence the depressing title. Well let me rephrase, parts of today were wonderful, but lots of today was depressing.

I had a rough night of sleep last night, not really resting, and getting up every hour or so to go to the bathroom which took about 15 minutes due to the slowness of the crutches and my exhaustion. I slept in til about 11 this morning and finally decided to get up, if you could even call it that. I sat up and got on my computer. I took a nexium which has to be taken an hour before eating. At around 12:15 I got in the wheel chair and went to the kitchen where I made myself a pizza sub, and enjoyed sitting in the kitchen watching the birds for a while.

I eventually ended up back in my room where the emptiness hit. Being in the room all alone is somewhat depressing, especially when I have such a hard time just getting in and out of bed.

Around 3:30 Matt got here which absolutely brightened my day:) and around 4:45 Maddie got here to sit with me for the evening while Mom and Katie went out. We got to eat spaghetti for dinner, my request, which was regretted later. I dont think my stomach was ready for it = painful!

Maddie and I enjoyed a good evening of talking and goofing off, but when she left the emptiness arrived again. I then began feeling depressed, alone, pitiful, sick, in pain, and more. Matt attributed it to the meds, but I'm not too sure.

I know this road isn't going to be easy, and it's going to take a LOT of work. I'm thankful the surgery went well, but now begins the hard part, and I STILL need your prayers. I'm almost pain free when sitting down, but moving around is a big problem, and doing my minimal PT exercises is death. I need prayers because it's going to require a lot of perseverance to make it through this!!!

The Surgery

oday was the big day!! I was to be at the hospital at 8am this morning in order to prepare for surgery.

We got up this morning, I cleaned my knee with the hospital disinfectant, and got ready. I straightened my hair, and packed a small bag hoping to be prepared. We got to the hospital meeting Matthew around 7:55. We went in and went to the waiting room where I was almost immediately taken back into the room. Only mom and I went and I immediately regretted not hugging everyone, and I was somewhat sad having not seen Becky, or Pastor Brandon yet.

NEXT DAY:

Well, I will continue my story now. When we got to the room I of course had to change into the oh so lovely hospital gown;), and get settled. We saw different nurses and were asked plenty of questions. Eventually, the anesthesiologist came in and hooked up my IV which is what I was the most worried about, BLEH. But he got in no problem and so then the wait began. Eventually Pastor Brandon Came back, and then Becky, and Katie, and Matt. Lots of time was spent talking and such. I went to the bathroom a few times, which let me tell you was quite the experience with an IV. hahaha. Eventually though I hugged everyone goodbye and just mom and PB stayed in the room. They were there as they came to take me away. They held my hands and hugged and kissed me til I was out the door. *side note* I'm incredibly blessed with a truly WONDERFUL youth pastor. He is such a blessing, and I can't believe I only have one more year in the youth group!! *side note over*

As they wheeled me down the hallway they told me I might start feeling a little bit giggly and such. I felt a little strange as they wheeled me around. We landed in the operating room, where I moved myself to a different table. They put a blood pressure cuff on me and did a few other things. They then placed a mask over me and told me it was oxygen and they needed me to cough a few times. That is honestly the last thing I remember. I never remember counting down or anything, or even being told I would be falling asleep.

I remember being somewhat awake and still feeling the breathing tube in my throat, but then drifting back to sleep and when I woke up next it was gone. I was in the recovery room and I was somewhat coherent. I kept trying to look at the clock, and I wanted to talk but my throat was sore and dry. Eventually I cleared my throat and immediately asked when the oxygen could come out of my nose because it was driving me CRAZY!!! Soon after they took it out along with taking everything else off and wheeling me back to my room!

When I got in there I was pretty much fully awake. I was tired, but I was ok! My mom and aunt were the first people to come in the room. We all talked and did the normal things.

Before I could leave I had to be able to keep down liquids, and go to the bathroom. The liquids were no problem, and going to the bathroom wasn't either. But getting to the bathroom was a different story.

I was extremely blessed by only having to be on crutches for 4 weeks with partial weight bearing. So I was able to use crutches, but I was honestly really really scared about going and walking. It took a while, but I finally got there. I was very lightheaded so i sat in the bathroom a while before venturing back. I was exhausted and dizzy so I rested a while more before having PT come and show me a few things, and then I was able to leave!!!

I was very blessed in having a surgery that went very well, and lots of family around to keep me company!

Nerves

I'm sure this writing will be hasty, and poorly written. Right now I am facing many fears. Surgery is less than 48 hours away, and it's beginning to terrify me.

I'm nervous about a million different things, mostly the IV, and then waking up. I'm scared of what it will feel like. I'm scared of the pain afterwards. I'm worried about what stupid things I might say coming out of the surgery. I'm worried about how I will react to the anesthesia. I can list about 50 different things I'm worried about, but right now, I know I'm merely sitting here wallowing in sin.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34 Goodness LORD!!!! How can I worry when you have so lovingly cared for me!!! YOU created ME!!! You love me despite my wrong doing and my failures. You have this all planned out, and I want the glory to be brought to you!!!